11 September Movies Ranked By Anticipation, Plus Three More I Want To See
This September marks the return of big budget comedies hitting the big screen, a sequel-prequel for a horror flick that seemingly JUST came out, and a Tom Hanks-Robert Zemeckis reunion re-making an All-Time Disney classic…
These are 11 September Movies Rankey By Anticipation, plus Three more!
— — #11 — —
In at Number 11 is a horror flick based off the most truly horrifying facial expression I’ve seen in quite a while. Smile!
‘Nooo! I don’t want to do it! **Suspenseful Buzzing**’
Real life daughter of Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick, Sosie Bacon stars as Dr. Rose Cotter, a therapist who witnesses a traumatic incident involving one of her patients.
The patient questions her own sanity, then freezes with a smile plastered across her face. And, soon Dr. Cotter also starts to notice things are starting to get a little strange.
‘**Silence** **Snaps** You’re going to die!’
Smile marks the feature film debut for Writer/Director Parker Finn. Like many horror flicks, this film looks like it takes something as simple as an everyday smile, and makes it as creepy and uncomfortable as possible.
Caitlin Stasey, Jessie T. Usher, and Kal Penn also star.
‘None of them survive longer than a week. Rose! Today is my fourth day. How does that make you feel? **Creepy Smile**’
Smile hits theaters September 30.
— — #10 — —
In at Number 10 is The Greatest Beer Run Ever; where Zac Efron’s character delivers beer to soldiers in the middle of The Vietnam War.
‘I’d like to go over to Vietnam, and give them a beer. **Cheers** I could do that! He’s hammered, look at him! That’s his fifth beer, maybe! I’m going to Vietnam!! And, I’m bringing a beer! **All Cheer**’
Based off a New York Times Best Seller written by John “Chickie” Donohue, Efron stars as a young Donohue. He signs up as a Merchant Seaman, so he can bring beers to his friends from the neighborhood… Serving in Vietnam.
Bill Murray plays Chickie’s bartender in his New York neighborhood bar. And, Russell Crowe plays ‘Coates’, a war photographer documenting Chickies ‘unique’ deliveries.
‘Smuggling beer into a war zone? It’s not the smartest thing. It’s not the worst thing, either. **Haha** Just came to deliver a sudsy ‘Thank You’ card. **Hugs**’
‘Dumb And Dumber’ Director Peter Farrelley bases this Coming-Of-Age Comedy off the Beer Run that ACTUALLY happened in real life.
It looks like we get a different look at the Vietnam War I haven’t really seen in film before — a point of view character choosing to be there just to deliver a small piece of home, at great personal risk to himself.
‘You don’t get it, Chick. This isn’t a John Wayne movie. I didn’t come all this way just to quit. Somebody’s got to be here to see what’s going on. I want the truth told, for them.’
The Greatest Beer Run Ever hits Apple TV+ September 30.
— #9 —
In at Number 9 is Bros, the FIRST Gay Romantic Comedy from a major studio; written by and starring Billy Eichner.
Eichner plays Bobby Lieber — working to open a LGBTQ museum, and build a strong community. And, like any community, people argue back and forth over just about everything.
‘Bi-Sexual Awareness Week and NO ONE has acknowledged it. Lesbian History Month. Of course, Lesbians get a month, and we get a week! **Looks confused**’
Produced by ’40 Year Old Virgin’s Judd Apatow and Directed by ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s Nicholas Stoller, Bros seems to have the hottest Comedy pedigree of the past 20 years.
At first, Billy seems happy to live the single-life, and leave all the relationship-drama to his friends.
‘I love my freedom. I love my independence. That’s kind of sad. That I don’t want to be in a thrupple? I don’t even want to be in a couple!’
That is until he meets ‘Aaron’, played by Luke Macfarlane. However, Billy doesn’t seem to want to give Aaron a chance.
This looks like a pretty typical single-people-dating-Comedy, with all of the typical insecurities that go along with it.
‘I don’t think I’m his type. He’s like ‘Gay Tom Brady’. What are you into, one of these ripped idiots with no opinions? No, I’d like someone who’s physically frail and won’t stop talking!’
Bros hits theaters September 30.
— — #8 — —
In at Number 8 is ‘Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.’ with Sterling K. Brown as the disgraced Pastor of a Mega-Church and Regina King as his high profile wife, doing ANYTHING to distract from their problems.
‘With the microphone. You gonna see what all the fuss is about! **Claps** **Laughs** Showtime!’
Writer/Director Adamma Ebo brings us the performance side of the preaching, and the corrupt side of the business.
Sterling K. Brown plays the energetic ‘Lee-Curtis Childs’, and Regina Hall plays the high maintenance ‘Trinitie Childs’, trying to get her husband’s career back on track after scandal rocks their church.
‘**Sputterig** He needs somebody to harness it all. Plenty of the OLD congregation will come right on back through… **Laughs Sarcastically** You have a blessed one!’
‘Honk for Jesus’ looks like a fun takedown of the hubris and greed that can take down anyone… But feels especially egregious when it happens in the faith community.
And once, that trust with the community is gone; it can be near impossible to get it back.
‘We need you back in that pulpit, so you can get me back on that stage. Shake it for the Lord! Get it… For the Lord!’
‘Honk For Jesus. Save Your Soul.’ hits theaters September 2.
— — #7 — —
In at Number 7 is ‘The Good House’, starring Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline trying to find love again in their 70's…
‘There’s a lawyer from Boston. Do you ever answer your phone? No. I was the top Broker on the North Shore. Hildy, would you like to take a seat? Well, if we’re really going to do this, I’m going to need to get a drink! Mom!’
Sigourney Weaver plays HIldy, a real estate agent with a bit of a drinking problem. Kevin Kline plays Frank, a free spirit who doesn’t want to sell his house, no matter the price.
Hildy’s life might look good on the surface. But, her life’s more complicated than she would’ve hoped for at her age.
‘My Ex-Husband left me for a man. A gay husband will do that to you! Cheers to that! Rents, mortgages, tuitions. I need a good year.’
Based off the Ann Leary novel ‘The Good House’, this Comedy Drama looks like a story of finding love again, at any age… Even if those around you aren’t really comfortable with the idea.
Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline had great chemistry in 1993’s ‘Dave’ and 1997’s ‘The Ice Storm’… Now, I’m hoping they can rekindle that chemistry almost three decades later with ‘The Good House’.
‘There was a time in my life I was quite in love with Frankie Getchell. All my friends were, you would’ve been too. Are you dating Frank Getchell? **Bark Bark** You’re really throwing me off! Eew!’
The Good House hits theaters September 30.
— — #6 — —
In at Number 6 is an historical epic with Oscar Winner Viola Davis as the General of an all-female army in ‘The Woman King’.
‘The Europeans wish to conquer us. They will not stop until the whole of Africa is theirs. Some things are worth fighting for.’
Star Wars’ John Boyega stars as ‘King Ghezo’ of the African kingdom of ‘Dahomey’. The country’s citizens are being sold into slavery by Europeans, and the people of Dahomey must fight back.
Thuso Mbedu stars as new recruit ‘Nawi’, a potential warrior who must prove herself to join General Nanisca’s army.
‘Train hard, fight harder. **Swings hard** We fear no one. And, we fear no pain!’
Captain Marvel’s Lashana Lynch also stars in what looks to be a fast-paced, Action/Drama.
Gina Prince-Bythewood Directs the film from a story by Maria Bello and Dana Stevens.
‘We are the spear of victory! We are the blade of freedom! We are ‘Dahomey’!
The Woman KIng hits theaters September 16.
— — #5 — —
In at Number 5 is Pearl, a prequel-sequel to last March’s surprise hit horror flick ‘X’.
‘**Rooster Crowing** Please Lord, make me the biggest star, so that I can make it far, far away from this place.’
A24’s latest film brings back Mia Goth, as the titular ‘Pearl’, an aspiring actress willing to do ANYTHING to escape life on the farm.
But, it looks like Pearl’s stuck in place, having to take care of a disabled relative…
‘**Deck Creaking** Lita!!! **Allegator Approaches**’
Reprising her role from the first film, but this time much, much younger, Goth looks like she plays Pearl as already having homicidal tendencies.
Director Ti West even shows us the origins of the industry we saw in the first film. And, it’s clear this might just be Pearl’s ticket to stardom.
‘We’re looking for someone with ‘X’ factor. It has to be me! How about a film nobody else has seen? Is it legal??!!’
Pearl hits the big screen September 16.
— — #4 — —
In at Number 4 is a rather risque biopic of Marilyn Monroe with Ana de Armas as the titular flaxen haired beauty, in Blonde…
‘How did you get your start? What start? In movies? I guess I was discovered.’
‘Blonde’ is the only NC-17 Rated film of 2022, reportedly having rather graphic adult themed content in this film by Writer/Director Andrew Dominick.
An All Star cast joins de Armas rounding out the men in Marilyn’s life. Adrian Brody plays playwright Arthur Miller, Bobby Cannavale plays Hall Of Famer Joe DiMaggio, and Xavier Samuel plays ‘Charlie Chaplin, Jr.’
Dominick mixes black and white and color film, and jumps between aspect ratios throughout the trailer.
It looks like Dominick jumps around quite a bit with when the film takes place, and gives a more impressionistic take on Monroe’s life, rather than strictly biographical.
‘I’ve played Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe, and Marilyn Monroe. **Screams** I can’t face doing another scene with Marilyn Monroe!’
At 2 Hours and 46 Minutes long, ‘Blonde’ is already getting early Oscar Buzz, and is adapted from the novel by Joyce Carol Oates.
De Armas look like she fully embodies the Blonde Bombshell in all her glory, even struggling to maintain the difference between Marilyn and Norma Jeanne.
‘When I come out of the dressing room, I’m Norma Jeanne. I’m still her when the camera’s rolling. **Screams** **Car Crashes**’
Blonde hits Netflix September 28.
— — #3 — —
In at Number 3 is the live action adaption of the all time animated classic, Pinocchio.
‘I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight.’
Tom Hanks plays ‘Geppetto’, the lonely old toymaker who wishes to have a son. He reunites with his Forrest Gump and Castaway Director Robert Zemeckis for a modern take on the Disney classic.
As we all know, Geppetto prays that the puppet he created would come alive and become a real boy.
‘Hello Pops! **Screams** Jumping Jeepers. An almost real boy. **Ahaha**’
Joseph Gordon-Levitt voices ‘Jiminy Cricket’ and 13 year old Benjamin Evan Ainsworth voices ‘Pinocchio’.
This looks like a fairly faithful adaptation to the original 1940 animated classic.. Including Pinocchio getting drawn in by the lure of show business, then being kidnapped.
‘Everybody who’s anybody wants to be somebody! And, I want to be real!’
Pinocchio streams on Disney Plus September 8.
— — HM-A — —
‘**Door Bell** This is 4–7–6 Barbary, right. Yeah, I’m renting this place. No, I booked it a month ago. **Creaking** **Screams**’
Written and Directed by Zack Cregger, this Barbarian looks like a typical kidnap and torture horror film, but with a modern Air B-N-B style twist.
This film looks like it victimes are lured in with an ‘accidental’ double booking, and then the divided and conquered. Barbarian stars Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgard, and Justin Long. It comes out September 9.
— — HM-B — —
‘**Woman Sceams** Staged, so to speak. **Saracastic Look**
It’s ‘MURDER!!! Murder, I say!!!’ An All Star cast assembles to solve the murder of Adrian Brody’s ‘Leo Kopernick’. Brody plays an American movie Producer visiting London to adapt a play into a movie.
Saorise Ronan, Sam Rockwell, ‘The Affair’s Ruth Wilson, and ‘Selma’s David Oyelowo also star in this Murder Mysery Comedy. See How They Run hits theaters September 16.
— — HM-C — —
‘So what are you guys doing tonight? **Match Lites** Birthday ritual, scary movie marathon. It’s on a 16th Birthday that a witch gets her powers. Have our intensions manifest. Yes, Salem! We’re Back! Haha.’
29 years after the 1993 original came out, Hocus Pocus 2 finally is here. Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and ‘the Snapple Lady’, Kathy Najimy are ALL back as the Sanderson sisters.
Whitney Peak, Lilia Buckingham, Belissa Escobedo, star as the teens this time around that accidently bring back and must defeat the Sanderson Sisters. Hocus Pocus 2 hits Disney Plus September 30th.
— — #2 — —
In at Number 2 is the Kevin Smith movie 16 years in the waiting… The concluding part of the trilogy, Clerks III.
‘Can’t catch my breath, man. Should I try mouth stuff? What is this a Tinder date? **Randall Collapses** Mr. Dante! I need an ambulance at the Quick Stop!’
Almost 30 years later, Dante and Randall are still working at the Quick Stop, and life has started to catch up.
Randall has a heart attack, and starts to question what he wants to accomplish in life.
‘No more watching movies. I’m going to MAKE a movie! **Monitor Beeps**’
Randall and Dante set out to make a movie about their lives at the Quick Stop. And, it LOOKS like they want to play-the-hits in a film version of their lives working as **ahem** Clerks.
I remember watching the first film in theaters back when I was still in high school. So, needless to say, I’m really looking forward to this third Clerks film.
‘I’m not even supposed to be here today! Jay And Silent Bob, They’ve been here since the first movie, which was the last time they were cool. Still give them cameos and put them on the lunch boxes.
Clerks III hits theaters September 13.
— — #1 — —
In at Number 1 is Director Olivia Wilde’s latest project, about a 50’s housewife growing suspicious of her husband’s company, in ‘Don’t Worry Darling.’
‘**Glass dings** Frank has built something truly special. A better way. **Egg shell cracks** Victory has things money can’t buy. I live next door, you wouldn’t believe the things I’ve heard.’
Florence Pugh stars as Alice Chambers, wife of Jack, played by Harry Styles. Jack’s boss Frank, played by Chris Pine, runs a pretty tight ship.
But, something about the set up bugs Alice. And, things start to un-ravel in front of her eyes.
‘The ONE thing they ask of us is to stay here, where it’s safe. **Gasps**’
This looks like an interesting take down of a 50's-style patriarchy, where ‘father knows best’-style thinking pushes women to the background.
Don’t Worry Darling looks like a fascinating Mystery, Thriller, that also stars Gemma Chan from ‘Eternals’, and Comedian Nick Kroll.
‘What are we doing? Changing the world! They are lying, about everything! Keep calm, and carry one!’
Don’t Worry Darling hits theaters September 23